The second kind of Love. Say goodnight, but not goodbye.

Because goodbye is an ending; but goodnight is a promise that we are to be continued…

I am known as an eccentric, adventurous, obnoxious and hopeless romantic guy. I am atheist but I always keep hope. Hope (ahhhh)! I believe in doing good to people and not expect them to acknowledge it because that’s not my parameter to do something meaningful or good. I am known to live in a binary format. 1 or 0. Either / OR. That makes things easier. Make decisions easier. Brutal yet easier. All you need to have is courage to carry on with the decision that you have made no matter how painful and heartbreaking it may be. So when my friends and people come to me to talk about something that has been bothering them (especially psychologically/romantically/emotionally), my advice to them sometimes may sound that I do not care or understand for they don’t know is if the decision was easy and gives a happy ending, they wouldn’t need me in the first place. I rather be that jerk who gave them the advice (which in first place they know how it has to be but are too afraid to say to themselves) than being a sweet guy and just nod along.

Relationships are always different. All and each of them.

Romantic, friendship, professional, formal or informal. All relationships are different from one another and individual case. Of all of these, I like the most tormented ones. Two idiots in love. Wow! It has (usually) everything; fun, jokes, laughter, pain, hurt, healing, remorse, repent, sacrifice, (mis)understanding, care, and it goes on and on…

I have been in love more than once and hence I can tell Love can have many different colors and not everybody in love experiences the same emotions. Love is a powerful emotion. It can make and break people. For some, it can be the most blissful experience and for some it can be the most unpleasant thing in their lives.

It’s pretty difficult to understand how a single emotion can reveal itself in so many different ways. But it is also a fact that love is the only thing that is closest to perfection. Love can be strange and ordinary, heady and calm, good and bad. It can be the most beautiful thing to behold and has the power to bring two people together. Yet it is this very emotion that can become dark and ugly.

I define love as the only flawless thing with the maximum number of flaws that humans can experience in the materialistic world. Contradictory ha! 

Welcome to Love 101!

Generally people have a very filmy and happy understanding of love. They associate love with happiness, fulfillment, and everything beautiful. True love for most people is a soothing experience that brings life to their dull and drab life.

I am not here to talk about it today. Naah! Enough songs, stories, and poems have been written about that kind of love so if you want to know about it, you don’t need me. Go to a library and pick anything by Susan Sontag, Robert Frost, Mark Twain, or Bob Dylan.

I am here to talk about the second version of love. The version of love that does not bring happiness to those involved. It brings darkness and grief. This love is between two people who can never be together (yet). They can never have each other for life (yet).

Sometimes walking away means walking to the one!

It is not the beginning of a beautiful story, but the end of what could have been. This love should either remain alive in the hearts unfulfilled or eventually dies. Some people never get united, never are together. They are meant to part ways.

The Story (taken from a chapter from my book – Chapter 27: He never says Goodbye!)

As they are sitting on the swings at the park facing opposite sides. No one has spoken for an hour now. He wipes his sweaty nervous palms on his pants as she looks at him hoping that he’d say something. They both know that the first person to speak would be the one who has to take the maximum blame for which even if they are at different places about how they feel for each other, they surely care a lot about each other.

Nathan has an idea where this is going so he gives it another try. Like he always does.

“Do you know I was pretty much content with the life I was having until 6 months back.” Nathan smiled “And then my soul saw you and it kind of went "Oh there you are. I've been looking for you.”

Bella smiles. “You told me that before… multiple times.” They both chuckles.

“I know you may hate me after this. I know we both care for each other… but that’s not enough.” Bella looks at him while he looks at the park fountain in front of him.

“I agree… we both deserve more.” Nathan says in a soft voice.

“Look, I can’t do this. No matter how many times I try and how cautious I become, this is going to hurt.” Bella says in a heavy voice.

“Just say it. You know this is a safe space.” Nathan smiles.

This conversation goes for another hour that includes reasoning, persuasion, arguments, logical arguments… (Can’t disclose much due to legal reason but you know where it’s headed.)

“Don’t you have anything to say?” Bella looks into his eyes. 

“Can I say anything to change your mind?” Nathan tries to fake a smile.

“Nate, please. Don’t make this harder than it is.” Bella assures him holding his hand. 

“Yeah, I thought so.” Nathan’s voice is very heavy right now.

As she leaves his hand and walks two steps away from him, it felt that someone just pulled entire body organs out of his body with bare hands. He stood there still… like a carved stone of pain.

“Goodbye, Nate.” Bella looked back. He kept standing there. Mute with a little smile and watery eyes.

She says again, “Nathan, won’t you say goodbye.” Nathan is still standing like a he’s hit with a lightening.

She walks away and soon fades away in the busy crowd of Octavia city.

Nathan Never said Goodbye

Of all the six months, Nathan never said goodbye. Not once. For Nathan, goodbye always meant something very different than to everyday us.

He never said goodbye because he always hoped that he is going to see Bella again; also hoping if she plans on seeing him too.

Not saying goodbye was his way to tell Bella, “Don’t let this be our final scene. Don’t make this our what-if ending, because this was merely supposed to be our beginning. I just know it. I can see much more ahead for the both of us; and all of the old romantics of this world and I are screaming out in unison for Part Two. The kind of sequel that not many have huge hopes for, apart from its creators, and the most loyal of fans. Because they are the ones who believe. They believe that something already amazing can still find room to grow and be better.”

It’s been two months and Nathan still hopes that one of these days, there will be no more doubt. No more what ifs, no more second thoughts, no more faith and trust appraisals, no more insecurities and no more uncertainties.

There will be them.

Discussion

Those involved know very well that Nathan and Bella cannot make it happen because there are plenty of other factors that affect them. They would rather not be together than destroy everything else around them.

Love is contradictory and hence, love is not enough because life and its circumstances don’t let you live only on emotions. You are required to be rational while love tends to drive you in the opposite direction. While love is called irrational, it is also believed to be the strength behind successful relationships. It may seem to drive things in the right direction for a while, but rationality demands more. One cannot help but be practical as sooner or later, irrational illusions vanish.

Bella understood this as she’s more practical while Nathan still have his arguments to settle.

Reality of life demands us to weigh the pros and cons of anything that we come across in life. Even though you may want to drift with the flow of love, you can’t do it or you have to pay heavily for being impractical.

You have too many words in your head. There are too many ways to describe the way you feel. You will never have the luxury of a dull ache. You must suffer through the intricacy of feeling too much. You just don't have that right person to listen to what you have to say.

She taught him that, “You can be in love and you can be in a relationship. But they’re not always the same thing.”

The Second Kind of Love - Writer’s Take

As I said earlier, two people even deeply in love are sometimes cut off due to circumstances. Despite being soul mates they are forced to be apart and that is the irony of this kind of love. The worst part of this type of love is the inability to get over the feeling despite knowing there is no possibility of ever being together.

One may not be able to get along with their partner if the partner inflicts pain and is the cause of their distress. Despite all the pain and gloom the couple may be deeply attached, yet they will not and cannot stay together.

What I think is the ability to forgive and forget will play the deciding role here. But that comes with a cost. There will definitely be a negative impact on both involved. In reality, the intensity of emotions may persuade people to make wrong choices.

A setback in love hurts the most. It cuts deep and the pain received can never be forgotten. The person you hurt and destroy emotionally will never come out of it. And if you still love them you know you having them back is something that needs deep contemplation for the possibility you will hurt each other again.

But, still as I said, the best thing I love about LOVE is that it’s so tormenting and yet amusing. So they may love each other fully, even though their own personalities prevent them from getting along. Some people love each other till their last breath, even when they live to stay apart.

And this is what the dark side of LOVE really looks like.