It Takes a Fall, To Stand Up!

I had no plan or notion to write this blog post until 2 hours ago. I was super engrossed in my work when a phone call agitated my concentration.

Now, it makes no sense to discuss about who called and what they said which made me put my work aside and start banging my fingers on the keyboard.

What I can tell you is that the phone call was from someone I care about who just had a heartbreak. A terrible one. Now, I am no one to judge whose fault  instigated this heartbreak, but I do know that it hurts terribly. Our trust is shaken to the core and all our future plans tend to look faded or blurred!

Sure it hurts. It also heals with time.

Writing  helps me keep my calm and my thoughts in one direction. Also, I am not naïve in this area of life too.

So I thought, maybe I can write or tell my friends and close-ones what I did when I was in the cross hairs of love, anger, failure, betrayal, and insanity. If this blog post can help even a fraction to one person, I’d take that as a win. 

Now, like they say, the most difficult part is the beginning. What to do? Where to start? Whom to talk? What to talk? What went wrong? Was it my fault? Should I call back? And so on… so first, decide. Be sure if it is over or you want to fight back and win it over again?

If you want to fight back, ask yourself if it is worth fighting for? Is it worth putting everything you have left after that terrible heartbreak. Can you risk another gunshot in your heart from the same person almost knowing that it’s gonna happen sooner or later?

 If you know it is over; then the time is to heal yourself. Remember, there is no one who can help you, but only you. Acceptance, patience, tough attitude and ability to face the bitter truth are few of those attributes that you will be learning in this whole phase. You cannot hang yourself in this pain and remorse forever and before someone else tells you to get over it, you do it because you are better than all of this. You are better off that person who broke your heart by any means.

Matters of Heart... Very Complicated!

You prove yourself that you are more than what people estimate of you. You take chances… again!

I understand that at this moment, you don't want to risk the pain again and you don't want to have to go through the same recovery process that may take months for your wounds to heal.

I have been through the same phase once in my life too. Despite me telling my body to relax and to have faith that this time I would be fine, my inner senses thought differently. My sub-conscious mind was not prepared to let go of the memories of the trauma, injuries and recovery. And so, I became nervous, cumbersome and rigid — and I was far more likely to fall and injure myself again.

That moment when all you need is some silence and listen to your mind,

I had been left shattered and broken and I was the only one who could pick myself back up, despite the offer of hands around me. I knew I had to find my inner strength.

In trying to protect myself, I was causing more harm. My self-preservation was preventing me from moving forward. I wasn’t even still — I had taken steps back and had no idea how to begin to recover.

I stopped speaking to my friends and stopped taking phone calls from my home. I kept myself at work for long hours… someday, longer than 18 hours in a stretch until my boss came and ordered me to go home.

My two new best-friends were my pillow and my jammies.

I had questions, but no answers.

If I’m honest, giving up was not an option. Why would I deny myself of something that gave me immense happiness once? Sure the girl I was with got away, but it was not her who gave me so much joy and happiness; it was love. That amazing, splendid, and magical feeling which made me feel alive for every single moment I was in it!

So, I had no option. I had to learn to move forward. I had to listen to my fears, be patient, pay attention and soothe each of their worries.

The biggest lesson of all in learning to have faith again was to understand that time and again, the trust I placed in it could very easily be shattered. With one wrong move, all of the time and effort I have spent creating a safe space could be torn to shreds. I could be thrown back into the abyss at any time.

But, the next time would be different!

I had a rope to hold on to.

One of the wonderful lessons I learned from that trauma is that despite the suffering it yields, it can also serve us with tools for future survival. 

With this incident, this big, huge and painful heartbreak, I learned some of the most valuable lessons of my life.

I learned that pain is a possible outcome of a relationship, but with awareness, I will not be paralyzed with shock if something goes wrong.

I learned that to move on, I must take things slow the next time I think I have the slightest chance to find that happiness and trust in someone else.

I learned that if I won't try, I will have nothing achieved.

I learned from my falls and the fact that no one can predict future but we can only control our actions.

I learned that if I get hurt again, healing is possible, it is just a process, one that is part of being alive and I am very capable of recovering again. This is life and sh*t happens. At any moment I can choose to get back up and bounce back stronger than before. 

The last thing yet the most important thing that I learned was to start trusting... again. May be not immediately, but eventually, welcome that heart, if there is any, who reaches out to you, who is willing to sit next to you without being bothered by the whole wreck you have created around you. Sometimes, that's all you need.

My defenses offered me a false sense of security. They told me they were protecting me, when really, they were just preventing me. They were keeping me from the things I loved most.

I realized that I will always have a certain amount of fear of the unknown, but instead of letting it cage me, I should allow it to challenge me.

With time and self contemplation, I overcame it, I grew stronger and I restricted it to stir up past painful memories each time something new comes my way.

I welcomed opportunities. I welcomed love… again.

I am no expert on relationships, marriages or commitment. In fact, I have been scared to death of these words and probably still am in some place. But I do know it hurts and it takes time, but I have come out of it… eventually. 

Of course I knew from the beginning that I wasn't going to be over it in one day. It took about a year or more… a year I would've otherwise spend sad and howling. But I didn't. I defended my happiness. A lot of good things happened that year. A lot of better things have happened since. 

So, if you’re currently trying to get over heartbreak, know that it might not take a day, or even a week. But the pursuit of trying to get over it quickly certainly helped me get a closure faster. There’s no shame in getting dumped. If you gave everything a relationship asks for, be proud that at least you tried. 

Remember, something as beautiful as love always a risk worth taking. In our life, we make choices and then we live by them. It’s simple.

So, what choice are you making today?

Until tomorrow,
SaNj